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Archive for the ‘Child Abuse’ Category

You cannot hurt me anymore

Not now,

now that I have seen the light,

by facing my fears,

and taking control of my past;

With those days that had turned as black as the night.

No one can hurt me anymore, because I refuse,

I refuse to let this happen again

as I refuse to live in the shadows;

shadows that you think you may try to have a hold over me.

I am in charge of my life now

and it will never be the same as before,

for I am not prepared to ever feel guilty;

of the times I allowed all of the bad things happen to me.

We all make mistakes which we except when we are older,

but the fact is I made no mistake

so only I can set myself free;

my healing has just started as my life is now beginning.

I have accepted my past as an experience of life,

it is you who is the loser as I can do nothing but win;

you cannot hurt me any more

as my strength will not let you.

I have changed in my views to my past,

I will never allow you to hurt me,

not now,

now that I know these feelings will last.

I have taken control of my life

which I can tell you feels so much better,

as I have stood up to be counted

and I have told of the pain that you caused me;

I am not frightened anymore

you can no longer destroy me.

It has finally come to an end,

as I look you in the eye and face up to my past.

You cannot hurt me anymore,

not now,

not ever again.

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This is a true story, for this is my story.

 

But why write this story now you ask, after all these years have passed?

My answer is quiet simple.

I no longer choose to live in the shadows of my abusive past anymore; I no longer want to feel dirty or rejected, guilty or to be ridiculed by society.

I would like all those people, who like me have suffered such an ordeal; to know that they were never alone in their pain.

For each person who has experienced some form of abuse inflicted upon them, there has to be a healing process.

Some people may say they never need this, as they can easily forget and hide it away.

But I say to them.

In time the memories of our past prevail, and the hurt begins to surface.

For those of us, who cannot hide, and who find it hard to forget.

 Then this can take much longer.

Oh sure I have sat there and cried, and often said ‘Why me, what have I done to deserve this?’

But there were never any reasonable answer, to take away my hurt and pain.

Only now do I know that I was a victim, a victim of circumstance. I was in the right place, at the wrong time, with someone whom I trusted.

He was family, and he was an adult. I put my trust in him, and as a child; could see no wrong in what he was doing.

So little has really changed since my childhood, children are still preyed upon by adults; as well as other children. The law and society I feel, still let our children down.

I can never restore the bad parts of my childhood, but I can certainly go ahead with my life; to the best of my ability without further abuse. I have learnt to cope with my past within reason, and as I accept what has happened; I know will never happen again to me.

I can no longer live on negative thoughts, or on unanswerable questions. I have the key to my own survival. My past can no longer destroy me.

The key to healing lies within each and every one of us, with our fears, our pain, and our memories.

I have gathered all of mine together, and looked them in the eye. I have taken control of them and my past.

Hopefully anyone who reads my story will come to an understanding of who I am; and know that if they have suffered like me, then their story will not be so unlike my own. I feel you too can find your own key, and please know that you are not alone.

I am not ashamed of my childhood.

IT WAS NOT MY FAULT

Now my healing begins.

My story I hope, will bring all of your pain together, in a place where you can associate with what I have wrote. Where you will find, that this is where you will begin your healing process.

The first part of your healing is to confront your pain. To love and believe in yourself with the knowledge, you were not to blame.

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Come home my sweet child for I miss you,

I cry silently and alone

wondering where you are.

I wait constantly by the phone as I wait for you to call

Wondering if my sweet child is safe and secure.

Did I do anything wrong

for you to leave in this way?

That has left me nursing a broken heart.

I worry that the knock on the door by the police

Tells me that you are injured,

Oh god, or something worse.

Where are you my sweet child?

For I am lost without you here with me,

I cannot protect you

when I have no clue where you are.

Has somebody hurt you?

And do you feel that you are afraid to come home?

As you may feel distraught and confused.

As the days turn black as the night

I think of you constantly

wondering what you are feeling right now,

And are you thinking that nobody cares?

I went searching in your favourite places

And I asked all of your friends for help.

Where are you my sweet child?

As the hours turn to days,

and the days turn to weeks,

With not a word from you;

or of the news that you have been found.

I pray that you will come back to me soon

Safe and sound and very much unharmed.

I leave a light on in your bedroom,

to guide you back home to me.

I will never give up on you,

as you are a big part of my life,

I will never rest until I know you are safe and sound,

and so that I can hold you again within my arms.

To tell you how much I love you,

and how proud I am of you.

Come home my sweet child come home.

Please come home my sweet child.

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